A Slice of Relationship Advice
Hello again, friends! It’s been too long.
I am happy to tell you all that I am in a relationship. Whoa. A real relationship with ups and downs. What’s truly magical about this, though, is not the fact that I’m in a relationship, but that I was finally ready to be in one. In today’s day and age, with 1 in 5 relationships starting online, it can be difficult and exhausting trying to find someone you are compatible with. More so, we have such high depression and anxiety rates that we are looking for love in all the wrong places at the wrong times.
It can be so easy to get caught up in disbelieving the possibility that a healthy relationship can even exist in your life. Well, I am here to tell you otherwise. Now, I’m no relationship guru by any means, however, I learned some things that I believe may benefit you. For starters, you truly do need to love yourself first. I could not be in this relationship I’m in now if I had not taken the time to do just that. You see, I had a tumultuous and very damaging relationship before this one. On top of that, I had the struggles of being a university student finding out her own identity stacked on my shoulders. Trying to navigate the waters of your own very being and to take on the responsibility of being in a relationship is just too much.
So what did I do?
Well, I waited. I waited years. I had to take time to myself, time to heal, time to grow, time to no longer flounder my way through being a university kid wondering who she was going to be. Allowing myself this time to just be self-focused and selfish with finding out who I was, was a massive stepping stone to being in this relationship today. If you take anything away from this, it’s that it is okay to be selfish with your time. Especially when it’s required to figure yourself out and to figure out what makes you be you!
If I had not taken this time to sit and reflect, to learn, to grow, I wouldn’t be able to offer what I am able to offer in my relationship now. What I mean by that, is that I had to take time to grow into exactly who I was meant to be. I had to form my own self-identity. Doing so allows me to not only be unique but to have a solid identity as a solo person. You need to have this in any relationship.
You need to have a firm footing in knowing exactly who you are as an individual before you get into a relationship. That way, when you get into a relationship with someone else, you not only know your self-worth, but you are ever-more worthy of being loved for all that you are.
Once you forge your self-identity, you need to hold onto it until the right person comes along. Meaning, don’t date just anyone! You just took all this time to figure out who you are, what your needs are, what makes you be you. Don’t let just anyone step into or on that.
Like I said, you deserve to be loved and appreciated by someone who is going to honour all that you are, accept all that you are, and understand all that you are. Believe me, it is not worth the heartbreak to let yourself be in someone else’s life who just doesn’t appreciate you for who you really are. Cause let me tell you, you are too damn awesome to ever believe otherwise.
If it seems like your time and your special someone is never ever going to come, don’t panic! It doesn’t mean that you are unworthy or unlovable. It is perfectly O.K. to be picky, but you need to make sure you’re not being too overly picky either.
I know how easy it can be to write someone off just because of that one weird quirk you pointed out and then made up the rest of the relationship scenario in your head and quickly gave up on the idea altogether.
Now don’t get me wrong, intuition is a good thing. So what I suggest doing, is form a list of what is totally unacceptable to you and what you would be willing to work with. Be a little lenient, it can go a long way in the end. Besides, none of us are perfect and when you do find that special someone, you’re going to love everything that makes them imperfect as well.
In the meantime, don’t get discouraged! There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Alone time is great. It is a great time to reflect, hang out in your pajamas, eat that whole bowl of ice cream because who cares! It’s you time! Giving yourself alone time gives yourself time to recharge, time to realign yourself and stay true to who you are and need to be. If you feel lonely, reach out to some gal-pals, reach out to your bros, your sister or brother. We are all here for you and we don’t mind listening to you recap that episode of your Netflix binge. Take a walk, read a book, sing too loud in the shower, download like 50 new songs and memorize your favourite ones. These are all things you can do to enrich who you are, so do them!
In the end, it will be worth it. When you get into a great relationship, your significant other is going to love all these things you have to offer. Your favorite books, poems, songs, faces you make while your thinking, that little smile or giggle you make back at them.
All the relationship baggage I came with, that’s not scary to me anymore. I am so much more than what happened in my past relationships, and you are too. Why? Because you are you. Take the time to be you, love you, be amazing.
Hold fast my fellow friends, I promise that if I can find someone, you can too.